Friday I went out with my friend Annie to a few gay clubs in New York. When I returned home I found my boyfriend terribly unhappy, jealous and upset that I didn’t spend the evening with him. It isn’t uncommon for us to go through this (as I do like to go out and have a good time with my friends). I think it is important that I do not discard the relationships I have with friends because I am in a long-term committed relationship. It is easy for anyone that cares for their better-half to forget their friends, as the feelings and deep intimacy you feel for the other person can often eclipse the emotions you have for other people.
I never want to be that person.
I have a few gay friends that, when in relationships, completely forget about me. We’ll make plans to go out to dinner one night and two hours before they’ll call and say, “Oh, I have to cancel. John is taking me out tonight!” And, a little frustrated, I try to understand their emotions and position: they are utterly consumed by their significant gay boyfriend. And, rightfully so. It isn’t easy to find someone you can really connect with. But, I have always made an attempt to go the extra mile to let my friends know that I am still a part of their life and the same person I was prior to my relationship – only, perhaps, more fulfilled and happy.
But, I wonder: am I, in affect, disturbing my gay relationship – and most importantly, hurting my boyfriend’s feelings – by not putting it up on a pedestal? By not telling my friends that I cannot go out with them because my boyfriend wants me to stay home with him instead? It’s not that I don’t want to spend time with my boyfriend, either. I absolutely love him. He’s smart, sensitive, notices things about me that most people overlook (that even I overlook!). He’s charming and witty, smart and brave, tough but soft. Everything that I would like to be someday. He’s my mentor. I harbor these feelings for him, so it confuses me to wonder why he is so upset about me going out with my friends. Is it that I don’t show him enough attention and love? I must be doing something wrong to make him feel that way and it is upsetting to me that I make him feel that way.
Anyone that says gay relationships aren’t real should really take a look at my life. I am trying earnestly to keep my relationship going full-speed, as we have always done. This is my reality – a complicated gay relationship that consists of the same love, frustration, and terror of losing this person as any other person does, regardless of their orientation, if they truly love the person they are with.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
Gay Marriage
Antidisestablishmentarianism is a vice to anything unorthodox, and the United States seems to be losing its grasp on liberty and justice in light of recent antigay movements from religious fanatics and liberty-suppressors – cancers to this great nation. Perhaps, the world should just submit to fundamentalism and religious leaders preaching and influencing the political structure of this country. The beauty of diversity has not aged or tarnished, but is certainly being suppressed by religious groups that impose their beliefs on others via political force.
The United States was founded on Christianity and the belief that God exists and is an interactive member in our daily lives, but Christianity -- although my religion -- is not the religion of all living in the United States, and as such should not be imposed on any individual, and especially not the federal government.
The concept that marriage is soley between a man and a woman derives from religious beliefs, which should not affect or potentialy harm those that are not founded on those ideological structures -- not in this country. The grasp religion has on America is tight and firm, strangling the liberty our founding fathers fought and lost their lives for, so that we could live in an equal community where we can be what we want and live however we choose. Any other way in anti-American.
The homosexual community -- which I say again, I am a part of -- is strong and my lifestyle is just as legitimate as a heterosexual couples. I feel the same and I love the same.
Recently, many states assembled together to determine my fate as a homosexual man, determining whether I can or cannot marry the person of whom I choose to -- under my God and in my church.
Here’s my force.
I am a Christian, and a proud homosexual man living with my partner. In my religion, I am taught to respect the differences of others unconditionally. I do not have to accept their opinions, beliefs, or lifestyles – but being born and raised in this country with open eyes and a heart beating for liberty and justice I would never condemn, persecute, or restrict any civil human being’s rights.
The US government is supposed to be free of religion and unbiased for all. Who is anyone to tell me and my partner that our love is not good enough for marriage, and that marriage is granted only to a man and a woman? Interestingly enough, in spite of the fact I have been with my partner for two years I can’t get married to him, but I can meet a woman today and marry her tomorrow without even knowing her name.
Civil unions which, are currently accepted in few states, do not offer same-sex couples much. In fact, in total, 32 states in 1996 passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which bars federal benefits to homosexual couples that live lifetyles identical to heterosexual couples. Moreover, same-sex couples are not allowed to claim the other as a dependent at the end of the year taxes, or to defend their beloved in cases of immigration. These are rights that should be extended to homosexual couples, as we are just like everyone else, but we are not recognized on a federal level, and do not attain the same rights as given to heterosexual couples. Does a homosexual couple not wake in the morning the morning and have coffee before work, just like anyone else? Do we not pay taxes? Do we not love?
The United States was founded on Christianity and the belief that God exists and is an interactive member in our daily lives, but Christianity -- although my religion -- is not the religion of all living in the United States, and as such should not be imposed on any individual, and especially not the federal government.
The concept that marriage is soley between a man and a woman derives from religious beliefs, which should not affect or potentialy harm those that are not founded on those ideological structures -- not in this country. The grasp religion has on America is tight and firm, strangling the liberty our founding fathers fought and lost their lives for, so that we could live in an equal community where we can be what we want and live however we choose. Any other way in anti-American.
The homosexual community -- which I say again, I am a part of -- is strong and my lifestyle is just as legitimate as a heterosexual couples. I feel the same and I love the same.
Recently, many states assembled together to determine my fate as a homosexual man, determining whether I can or cannot marry the person of whom I choose to -- under my God and in my church.
Here’s my force.
I am a Christian, and a proud homosexual man living with my partner. In my religion, I am taught to respect the differences of others unconditionally. I do not have to accept their opinions, beliefs, or lifestyles – but being born and raised in this country with open eyes and a heart beating for liberty and justice I would never condemn, persecute, or restrict any civil human being’s rights.
The US government is supposed to be free of religion and unbiased for all. Who is anyone to tell me and my partner that our love is not good enough for marriage, and that marriage is granted only to a man and a woman? Interestingly enough, in spite of the fact I have been with my partner for two years I can’t get married to him, but I can meet a woman today and marry her tomorrow without even knowing her name.
Civil unions which, are currently accepted in few states, do not offer same-sex couples much. In fact, in total, 32 states in 1996 passed the Defense of Marriage Act, which bars federal benefits to homosexual couples that live lifetyles identical to heterosexual couples. Moreover, same-sex couples are not allowed to claim the other as a dependent at the end of the year taxes, or to defend their beloved in cases of immigration. These are rights that should be extended to homosexual couples, as we are just like everyone else, but we are not recognized on a federal level, and do not attain the same rights as given to heterosexual couples. Does a homosexual couple not wake in the morning the morning and have coffee before work, just like anyone else? Do we not pay taxes? Do we not love?
Before My Gay Relationship Began
This is a quick note that I had written prior to finding my current boyfriend of 2 years.
___________
Being gay in Manhattan is fabulous. For decades the homosexual community has been shunned, and to this day I doubt you’ll see a gay couple holding hands as they stroll down the streets of Iowa – not unless they intend to be on the front page of their local newspaper, followed by statements of "witch hunt" and "Kill the Queers!". No, but Manhattan, the Big Apple, New York City, is perfect for being gay -- well, at least for the single gay man.
After a few months of living in New York City it is hard to find anything shocking: you’ve seen it all: from an angry drunk starting a fight and screaming, “bitch!” at a passing dog to some psycho you’re urinating next to at Grand Central, who’s fingering for you to follow him into a stall (and yes, I know some of you get a woody just thinking of it!). A gay man in public is nothing to a New Yorker – just a regular Joe.
Manhattan offers Fifth Ave. for the fashion-conscious man and all the hook-up-with-a-hot-guy-meat-market-bars even the horniest bastard can’t seem to fit on his monthly calendar. It’s by far the best, most fabulous city a gay guy could ask for. But, being gay in Manhattan and looking for a relationship is quite a different story...
With all the hard bodied, six-packing go-go boys in this city oozing sex atop bars and shaking hefty packages they’ve got in thongs or less, and with the fliers patrons pick up from promoters with nearly nude men on the cover – as if promising sex if you attend this or that club – you can’t blame a guy for thinking with his pecker as he scours through a crowd of dancing, shirtless men, with tented pants and grabbing hands, in search of a quick lay. We’ve all had a run-by ass-grabber pinching our perfect asses or feeling our bulges cupped inside our amazingly-perfect-for-our-figure Gucci pants. The gay community oozes sex. Everything is hot, sexy, and can be, and in many experiences has almost always been, a prelude to sex. Not that anything is wrong with sexuality, one-night stands, or even shhh… anonymous sex with a tall, dark stranger with strapping biceps and washboard abs you could scrub yourself clean with all day. Lord knows sex is great and I’ll hit my knees and sing “Hallelujahs!’ for hot guys and beautiful bodies – but what happens when we become tired of the usual one-nighters and to coming home to an empty mattress?
I went on a job interview a couple of weeks back to be a personal assistant to an investment banker who lives in Manhattan. For his privacy, I’ll refer to him as Mr. Money Banks. Mr. Money Banks posted an ad because he needed someone to help maintain his hectic calendar. He was so busy he needed a liaison to his clients and company. After the interviewing process, I was hired! The benefits were great and the pay was even better. What Mr. Money Banks forgot to mention in his ad was that he required a backrub and handjob at the end of every day. Yikes! I worked an eight-hour shift – until the sun came down and he dropped his pants – and I never stepped foot in his office again. Even job interviews in the gay community can be preludes to sex.
I am gay, love Manhattan’s nightlife, and am in search of something greater than an affair or a good time. And, I know I cannot be the only one. I want love. I want legitimacy. I’ve noticed, however, the gay community has been decorated so damn well with the glitz and allure of sex that while attending clubs and gay events we forget what is most important: companionship; and even the most earnest attempt to find love in these places can be muddled with preconceived notions that we have to get laid tonight and tomorrow night, but tomorrow night we need to find a better looking guy, who has better pecs than the one before and maybe a learner torso. And, perhaps, we do. We are men, after all. But, good luck being gay, living in Manhattan, and finding love. It’s not impossible. Just takes finding someone like-minded, who agrees sex isn’t a prelude to a conversation.
I know there must be someone out there for me. There must be.
___________
Being gay in Manhattan is fabulous. For decades the homosexual community has been shunned, and to this day I doubt you’ll see a gay couple holding hands as they stroll down the streets of Iowa – not unless they intend to be on the front page of their local newspaper, followed by statements of "witch hunt" and "Kill the Queers!". No, but Manhattan, the Big Apple, New York City, is perfect for being gay -- well, at least for the single gay man.
After a few months of living in New York City it is hard to find anything shocking: you’ve seen it all: from an angry drunk starting a fight and screaming, “bitch!” at a passing dog to some psycho you’re urinating next to at Grand Central, who’s fingering for you to follow him into a stall (and yes, I know some of you get a woody just thinking of it!). A gay man in public is nothing to a New Yorker – just a regular Joe.
Manhattan offers Fifth Ave. for the fashion-conscious man and all the hook-up-with-a-hot-guy-meat-market-bars even the horniest bastard can’t seem to fit on his monthly calendar. It’s by far the best, most fabulous city a gay guy could ask for. But, being gay in Manhattan and looking for a relationship is quite a different story...
With all the hard bodied, six-packing go-go boys in this city oozing sex atop bars and shaking hefty packages they’ve got in thongs or less, and with the fliers patrons pick up from promoters with nearly nude men on the cover – as if promising sex if you attend this or that club – you can’t blame a guy for thinking with his pecker as he scours through a crowd of dancing, shirtless men, with tented pants and grabbing hands, in search of a quick lay. We’ve all had a run-by ass-grabber pinching our perfect asses or feeling our bulges cupped inside our amazingly-perfect-for-our-figure Gucci pants. The gay community oozes sex. Everything is hot, sexy, and can be, and in many experiences has almost always been, a prelude to sex. Not that anything is wrong with sexuality, one-night stands, or even shhh… anonymous sex with a tall, dark stranger with strapping biceps and washboard abs you could scrub yourself clean with all day. Lord knows sex is great and I’ll hit my knees and sing “Hallelujahs!’ for hot guys and beautiful bodies – but what happens when we become tired of the usual one-nighters and to coming home to an empty mattress?
I went on a job interview a couple of weeks back to be a personal assistant to an investment banker who lives in Manhattan. For his privacy, I’ll refer to him as Mr. Money Banks. Mr. Money Banks posted an ad because he needed someone to help maintain his hectic calendar. He was so busy he needed a liaison to his clients and company. After the interviewing process, I was hired! The benefits were great and the pay was even better. What Mr. Money Banks forgot to mention in his ad was that he required a backrub and handjob at the end of every day. Yikes! I worked an eight-hour shift – until the sun came down and he dropped his pants – and I never stepped foot in his office again. Even job interviews in the gay community can be preludes to sex.
I am gay, love Manhattan’s nightlife, and am in search of something greater than an affair or a good time. And, I know I cannot be the only one. I want love. I want legitimacy. I’ve noticed, however, the gay community has been decorated so damn well with the glitz and allure of sex that while attending clubs and gay events we forget what is most important: companionship; and even the most earnest attempt to find love in these places can be muddled with preconceived notions that we have to get laid tonight and tomorrow night, but tomorrow night we need to find a better looking guy, who has better pecs than the one before and maybe a learner torso. And, perhaps, we do. We are men, after all. But, good luck being gay, living in Manhattan, and finding love. It’s not impossible. Just takes finding someone like-minded, who agrees sex isn’t a prelude to a conversation.
I know there must be someone out there for me. There must be.
Gay in NYC
Gay in NYC is a social study I am conducting on my life. Based on the title, you can easily determine that I am gay in NYC. This blog recaps my gay relationship, which underscores the need most of us have to be in functioning relationships. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and are anticipating many other anniversaries. Hopefully, this blog will shed some light on what it is like to be gay (to those who may not understand our differences) and to connect with other gay people in relationships or to those that want one.
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